Even in my dreams, I’m an idiot who knows he’s about to wake.

It may be from Vanilla sky, I knew.

about my life, I think it’s always twisted.

Sometime I feel I so lucky to born like this.

Sometime I may be cursed.

Many jealous me of something I feel so nothing.

I just feel that so bad luck and never see the good point other see.

To live in broken family never easy for any, I knew.

But I lived and I think I live well.

No weak point shown to other to see.

but only once, when I was ten, I cut on my right arm.

The main point of Vein.

I cannot remember or knew how long it took, but for me it’s already forever.

Nothing that I keen that time.

Looking back I saw my mom cry beside my bed.

and that was the first time.


As myself growth, in Master degree. I lived happily with a girl that best in my universe at that time.

For another day after a good day, it called nightmare?

No it called gentle mare’. it too gentle but hardship never more than that.

Back to my second home, if someone said that hard work never make anyone day, try once?

I work for simulate 30 hours per time, some time 48 for break only eat and bath.

Normally I sleep lest than 2 hours a day. After a week, hah it worked. So well.

Pain had kill pain, and also myself.

After that myself cannot recover as it should.

Regret? Nope I’m not keen on living as same as I don’t wanna suicide anymore.

That only kill my guts.

– —– ——-

Me? now? I don’t know. May be I already on the Avici, thus it name; continuous hell.

No wonder, we always sucked, and I’m the idiot who knows he’s about to wake up. All the time.